heyfunniest

shipsnotdrugs:

so my friend and i were home alone and naturally we ordered a pizza

we had a simple request

image

so when the doorbell rang we were super excited but our delivery person was this really confused old guy

he was like, “i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the heck a TARDIS is, so i drew the closest thing i could think of”

image

he drew us a tortoise

god bless this man

i gave him a twenty and told him to keep the change

hi

mildlyamused:

sorryforhavinganopinion:

One time I was playing The Sims. My kid had a soccer game, and while the teams were huddled up, I changed to buy mode and put washing machines around the opposing team, enclosing them within their detergent scented prison. Thanks to my ingenious strategy, my child’s team was able to take the ball from the opposite goalie and score repeatedly. By the time the clock ran out, we were up 46-0, and the opposing team was sobbing in puddles of their own piss. I am the best soccer mom.

PARENTING

carry-on-my-wayward-butt

corink:

comatose-kitty:

I literally cant fucking breathe 

IVE BEEN WAITING 2 YEARS FOR THIS VIDEOS RETURN